CLEO

Extracted from Malaysia CLEO December 2008 Issue No.158.

1 WOMEN ARE CRAP WHEN

you’re ill. Their firm belief that all men are hypochondriacs and oversensitive to pain makes for an indifferent bedside manner. Instead of tea and sympathy, you get two aspirin (no water) and a lecture about how painful menstrual cramps are. If a man wants proper nursing from a woman then, as with many other things, he has to pay a complete stranger.

2 WOMEN LEAVE HAIR

everywhere. While this is a fact of life that most men accept, it is a source of endless annoyance to us that your regular copious hair loss doesn’t result in a corresponding bald patch. It’s just isn’t fair.

3 THEY’RE MUCH TOUGHER

about things that make men squeamish: blood, baby sick, mouldy bread. Most of the time this is a good thing – they can remove dead mice from traps and cut babies’ fingernails without fainting.

4 WOMEN CONTINUE to require men to give them back massages as part of foreplay, even though it usually just puts them to sleep. Even the most naively compliant of us men, however, eventually see through this ruse.

5 AS FAR AS SEXUAL.

Experimentation goes, women generally run through their repertoire once with a new boyfriend, like it’s a driving test, and then after a month settle back to counting the ceiling tiles. There are exceptions to this rule, of course, but we can’t get any of them to return our phone calls.

6 WOMEN WORK TOO HARD.

Sitting next to a woman at work can be a shaming experience. While female co-workers can sometimes be drawn into idle chat or cajoled into slopping off early, it usually turns out they’ve finished all their work anyway.

7 “IT’S ALL RIGHT,

I don’t mind” is not a comforting thing to say to a man suffering from a bout impotence. It just implies you didn’t want to do it anyways. Granted, “I’m really disappointed” doesn’t sound much better, but at least it doesn’t suggest a narrow escape. Offer him a face-saving way out; ask for a back massage and then start snoring after a few minutes.

8 THERE’S NO CORRECT ANSWER to the question. “Do you think I’m fat?” when it’s ask by a woman. “No” means “yes” and even “it doesn’t matter”, surprisingly enough seems to mean “yes”.

9 WOMEN DON’T

seems to have any statute of limitations on revenge. It doesn’t seem odd to a women to fling a glass of wine into a man’s face for something he said six weeks ago. Women are proud of this faculty, but shouldn’t be surprised if the results are disappointing. Men are like dogs; they have to have their noses rubbed in something pretty much straight away to get any reaction other than bewildered whimpering.

10 WOMEN FEEL FREE to use hormones as an excuse for almost any mood or behavior: weeping when watching The Notebook, not being to paralel -park properly…

11 WOMEN PRETEND

To know exactly, which men are gay and which men aren’t. But, if truth be told, they haven’t actually got a clue who is and who isn’t. Most women have said, “I always knew you were gay” to every single one of their boyfriends – except the one who really was gay.

12 IT’S THE AIM

of every women to replace all of her boyfriend’s friends with all her friends’ boyfriends. Women are so territorial about friends that it’s safe for a man to assume that she will hate any friend of his that he didn’t meet through her.

13 WOMEN MUCK AROUND

with each other’s personal lives in a highly cavalier manner: matchmaking incompatible couples, giving disastrous advice to friends who are having affairs and reporting all confidential information directly to the person who isn’t suppose to know. The result havoc is then consumed as dinner-party conversation. In this dangerous game, men are but prawns.

14 WOMEN USE gift-giving occasions to test a man’s taste and judgement, to see if he will once again hand over a hideous dress, vulgar jewellery or a nasty perfume. He will, so stop testing him exactly what to get – and where to get it from.

15 A WOMAN SAYS

she’s tired of being your mother when you leave a towel on the floor, but she’s perfectly happy to be your mother when it comes to criticizing your haircut, making you feel guilty for buying you dodgy jumpers.

16 WOMEN LIVE LONGER

There’s a smug, built-in biological swagger in the way women carry around the extra 10-odd years which life has dealt them. It gives them a knowing that they’ll eventually have the last laugh when they’re still around to unplug your life-supporting machine.

17 WOMEN DO NOT UNDERSTAND

the proper method or purpose of TV channel-surfing. That’s why men are reluctant to allow them access to the remote control. It’s not a power thing. It’s just that when women channel-surf they stop dead every time they see a picture of koala chewing some leaves. If you’ve got cable TV, you’ll know that there is always a koala eating leaves somewhere.

18 WOMEN LOSE THINGS

and make men to look for them. Men lose things too but don’t have the time to look for them. They’re busy fishing under the fridge  for your earrings yu left in the shop. Here are a few tips, your sunglasses are on your head and your keys are probably still in the door

19 MEN OFTEN REGARD WOMEN as having the most terrible taste in music. This is an old stereotype, but it holds up pretty well. A man can usually flip casually through his new girlfriend’s CD collection and immediately pick out the ones which her previous boyfriend gave her in desperate attempt to improve her taste. Men still hold womankind directly responsible for the Hanson brothers.